Things have been busy around here – I have been carving out time to play in the studio and in the garden. Both are an investment of energy with unknown destinations – a leap of faith that something beautiful will grow in time. I am finally on the other side of a long creative drought (yay!) and am feeling like my creative well is sloshing around with ideas that have me excited to be spending time in the studio.
When I started this year of play, I thought that sounds so fun! But I'll tell you… play can be work. It is hard to play. We don't live in a culture that really values play. We are so primed to be constantly productive and playing feels like a frivolous luxury that someone in their forties shouldn't prioritize. It seems so ironic that I'm putting in effort – working – to make time for play and allowing my mind to wander. The reward is huge. I feel more relaxed. I feel energized. I feel more at ease with the uncertainty which is the most certain element of this life we are living. My creative well is expanding, growing deeper and more fulfilling, and that feels exciting and worthwhile.
I wrote in a journal a few years ago that I was allergic to words. I felt that way for a long time – those imprinted memories from childhood can really be impactful! Most of my life I have found it easy to communicate with images and impossible to find the words to round out the visuals. Over the course of the past few years, through the help of journaling, writing regular newsletters and attending a weekly writing group called Show Up and Write – I'm getting over my word aversion! Writing privately has given me the capacity to consider sharing more openly.
This month I am going to start writing out some of the building blocks to my story and sharing them here with you. I remember my grandma critiquing a coloring page that I made as a kid (in the most well meaning way) that really kind of pissed me off at the time, but recently sparked a series of sketchy patterns that have been growing over the past few years (see below!) I have deep memories of spending time after school in the sample room of my dad's architectural firm playing with color swatches and building little worlds of my own. I had a jewelry business with my mom when I was in elementary school and that sparked my interest in creating and selling things.
I have also had a few big earth shaking life events that have drastically shaped who I am and the reasons I make the work that I do. I am finally feeling ready to open up and connect in this space on a much deeper level with some of these stories. It is easy to share the bright and colorful artwork that comes out of my creative practice, but the stories that have shaped my perspective and allowed me to see the rainbows have come after a few intense storms. So, I am going make an effort to write and I'm sure in the process, I will learn some things. :)